Monday, November 29, 2010

Week 10 Review: Fears of Non-Productivity

Week 10
(Unbelievable! My post was 90% complete and somehow it disappeared. I had to write it completely over. What a waste of time.)

Lets review the wonders of week 10 in the year 2010. This week briefly reminds me of when I reached rock bottom earlier this year. All in one year, I reached my highest and my lowest pinnacle. At same time, maybe this is a bad week to compare. This is the week of Thanksgiving and I should be blogging about giving thanks, needed rest and how much I deserve it. Nevertheless, instead I'm going to label this week as my most unproductive week.  

Day 63 = Sunday, November 21, 2010
* Following my first time baking chicken last Saturday, I cooked again and this time I improved a bit on the flavor.

If I keep this up, I might have to rename my show  late night cooking with Motown Maurice.

Day 64 = Monday, November 22, 2010

* The results of my day 12 Paradise Hunter submission came in and I didn't advance to the next round. I'm partly content with the results. Although, based on the way things are going for me right now, it would make sense to accept a hosting opportunity out of the country for a year. When I applied for the gig my heart wasn't completely in but I'm sure the choice was made for the best. 

* My agent sent me on an audition in which I still don't know much about. The experience was different and somewhat weird. When I was called in, I was asked to pretend I'm walking and it suddenly starts raining apples. Then I had to pick up a baseball, use it as a pretend apple and bite into it (not literally). I was asked to perform it twice. The fist time I included some apple smelling and crunching sound effects. He claimed he liked it but he wanted me to do it again without the sounds. The second time wasn't as great so I'm going to assume I'm not what they are looking for.

* I also had to produce a makeshift audition video for a game show hosting opportunity. Since I don't have all my equipment, the video wasn't of its best quality but it served its purpose. I called video "Million Dollar Question." If anything good comes from the video, I'll post it in the future.

Day 65 = Tuesday, November 23, 2010

*Although, I finished last weeks extra long blog today, it still earns the title of my first unproductive day of this week. 

*       * On another note, I became a life coach for a friend. At the bottom of last weeks post. I mentioned the thought of also becoming a life coach. The first session was a success but in less than a day fear took over her and it ended. 

Day 66 = Wednesday, November 24, 2010

 * Generally unproductive

 * I did receive a phone call for a small paid video gig for next Wednesday. All I know is that the skit is compared to something of Saturday Night Live. I'll keep you posted.

     * Later that night I attended the Black Women's Lawyers Annual Cocktail Sip. It was a very well attended event.

     Day 67 = Thursday, November 25, 2010 (Thanksgiving Day)

   * This was absolutely my first time away from parents on Thanksgiving day. Since my roommate was out of town, I have no family or close friends in L.A. I planned to spend the day at the Laugh Factor. It's a famous comedy club that advertised free food today. I also hoping to meet Arsenio Hall there. The website stated he and other comedians would be there serving the food.  When I arrived the line was super long, extending down the street. Most of the people on the line looked homeless so I figured they needed the food more then I did. So I left and ate chicken meal at El Pollo Loco. I absolutely did not enjoy it.



     * Later that night I managed to invite someone I met from the cocktail sip to the movies. We saw the movie called Mega Mind. The movie was great, the company was also cool but I doubt I'll ever go to the movies in L.A again. I accidentally picked a movie that was 3D. Can you believe the cost was $16.50 each ticket. I almost had a heat stroke when I was told the total price for the tickets. lol oh, well, I got what I asked for.

     Day 68 = Friday, November 26, 2010 

 Unproductive: Watched TV & Movies

     Day 69 = Saturday, November 27, 2010

    * Unproductive: Watched TV & Movies

      Final Thoughts

      From a superstitious point of view I use to claim the number 10 was my lucky number. I don't think I'll be using that number anymore more. Maybe number 11 will be my new lucky number. Hopefully week 11 will usher in a glimpse of success I'll see in 2011. Based on the state that I'm in right now, its mustard seed of hope I have to hold on to.  

      My mind and body thoroughly enjoyed relaxation of this week. Watching movies from the perspective I view them is very motivational. However, my soul is miserable, restless and unhappy because it no longer has a purpose. My soul doesn't want to rest or watch movies it was to serve its purpose to the world by any means necessary. Unfortunately, my soul has no placement and is constantly searching for placement. This week resembled my hiatus way too much. My 5 month long, beard growing hiatus is a period I never want to experience ever again. After experiencing what I been through during my 5 month hiatus, the thought of non-productivity is a subtle "fear," that provokes me. 

      In a few words, this week was not a positive week for me. I didn't do much or any reading and since it was thanksgiving there wasn't much going on or coming in. All I did was eat and watch TV. If I was able to gain weight I would probably be obese from eating junk this weekend.

      As the year comes to an end,  I don't have much to look forward to. In many ways I feel like my time is running out. The best thing I have pending right now is that audition with ___ but its best to keep it moving and not think about it. As the days go by its beginning to not look in favor. I'm forced to constantly contemplate my next move as if my life is on the line.

      I have so many positive and negative thoughts flowing through my mind. Many in which I'm hoping will never manifest. On day 60 I posted a mediocre question asking, "Do you believe in luck?" I wrote that with the intentions of bridging that post together with another later on. I'm going to assume that's not going to happen. On another note, I'm planning a big evaluation review post of this whole year up until now around new years eve. I'm praying I will have more of a purpose on this earth by then. I have some thoughts in consideration I hope I will never have to write about.  

     As the quest continues...

     The Future of Late Night

     Motown Maurice


  1. Hey Motown!
    Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings for one person to another....
    Energy is such a funny thing. I mean I was feeling great when I got up this morning. I got me a cup of coffee and I turned on the computer to do some networking. I realized that I had not read your blog so I decided to tune in. Even though the title seemed a little gloomy, I was certain that you would turn it around and leave me with a positive feeling as well as something inspirational to look forward to. Somewhere in following your journey, I forgot that you are just like me, human. In my mind you had became a Super Hero who is, without a shawdow of a doubt, going to save us all from the horrors of Late Night Television. I mean, who would have thought it possible for you to be unproductive. I smiled when I saw the meal you prepared. I must admit it looked so much more appetizing than the first one.Then as a continued on, I started to feel the sadness and slight depressive mood you seem to be in. I thought, maybe it is the Holiday Season thats got him feeling blue, for you certainly pulled at my heart stings with your Thanksgiving Video, (watching you chow down on the meal that you really did not enjoy). At first I was glad that you finally got a chance to take a break, get some rest and watch T.V. for a change. I mean, It is the Holidays and everyone takes a break, yet something inside will not stop. That "something" is what makes you feel non-productive when you are at rest. It is the drive, the motivation the never quit attitude. So tell me, If this force is always at work, then when are you ever not productive?
    Keep your head up Motown!
    Your Stalker Fan
    Penny in Sunny Tampa

  2. Motown, Motown, Motown. I agree with Penny. The tone in this blog IS so depressing. But you are only human. We all go through an array of emotions from time to time, especially during the holidays. I've been where you are many times, as far as your thought process, but I gotta give it to you, you keep it “100" with us. You don't sugar-coat what you're going through, whether good or bad. That's why its called a "journey" and you're just "going through" something right now. The beauty about that is that you won't stay there (in that zone), because you're just "going through". God got you! He knew the end of all things before He said: "Let there be light", so nothing comes to Him by surprise. It is us who don't know wwhat each day will bring, which is why we must put our hope and trust in God, who is our Heavenly Father. He said He will never leave us nor forsake us. So be encouraged, my brother, and renew your mind! Great things are still ahead for you. Just continue to persevere! God bless! -Shines

  3. Pamela Y. Robinson, EsqDecember 1, 2010 at 9:30 AM

    Motown, the first two comments were encouraging and wonderful but you know me straight and to the point....this is a part of the process I used to tell you about, even this "deep" period is a part of it, one day when you are rich and famous you will look back at this time and laugh, and be amazed at the preseverence you had! Keep looking up

  4. brother mo, cali cant be taken in a few weeks, take your time, make more friends, hang out and live there, find some side work and just make it home for a bit, your doing very well, keep the hustle. Love what your doing and have done,find your nitch. Do just like you did in tampa, create something. Maybe you have to create your won show or your own gig. But just keep kicking, the only difference between you and many other actors and directors that didnt do anything for the past week or so, is they have a few bucks to carry them till the next job comes in, when your struggling it seems like each day ya have to have a touchdown, thats why getting a part time, if you dont already have one, takes away the burden of having to make it right away.Be good bro


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