Sunday, September 24, 2017

Week 366: Reflextions - 7yr Anniversary

Weekly Written Review 

Seven years and counting. By mid week I totally forgot that this week represented 7 years since I arrived in LA. By the end of the week I began entering my low spirited patterns. This pattern has been happening for a little while now. By Monday or Tuesday I kind of have my strength back but when Friday or Saturday hits my moral is weakened. That's what audition after audition with no results will do to you. I refuse to call it depression but I'm sure that's how some would identify as it for themselves. I was depressed during the summer of 2010. I'm not going through that ever again. I'm just at a constant battle to keep me spirits leveled. That's not a big deal. Spirits fluctuate. Sometimes they're up and other times they're down. Conveniently enough it happens when things are slow and it never affects progress. almost did with the audition video on Tuesday but that's an exception.

When my spirits are near depletion I try to force myself to write in my blog. The reason for that is because when this period of my journey is over I won't be able to recall those low spirited states in words. I think that's important when I write my book one day. I was unable to write that way this week because I got a random call from Kevin that led me to a party a few hours later. I'll take that instead anytime.

Wow, seven years...There's so much to reflect upon and I won't even attempt to do that. I don't have that type of writing power right now. I'm just grateful and thankful that focus is sharper then ever and and my determination continues to burn. Seven years and counting and I'm still eating sardines/tuna and crackers along with a juicy mango as my first meal of the day. My last meal of the day includes a can of Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup. No exaggeration. This is what I eat daily. Add in a few oranges and mix nuts that's my daily meal routine. Furthermore, I'm grateful. Based on the amount of disasters in 2017 alone, I'm confident there are several who don't even have access to a meals like mine. Seven years deep and I'm in no situation to complain. I want more of course and I want stop seeking for more. Creatively I'm currently wiped and I just have to be patient as I did during the summer of 2010. In hindsight, I should of took more time to enjoy that summer but it's near impossible when your spirits are under attack. Or when you spirit is unbalanced. I should be enjoying myself more but I'm not capable of doing that when I want to work. I love my Nintendo Switch. I love playing tennis and basketball almost everyday but I'm built to create. I'm not creating and it's hard to enjoy everything else when I'm not balanced.

Before I leave this week behind me and get ready to embrace the unknown I would like to share a reflective moment from Saturday. While browsing Facebook, I noticed an ex-girlfriend's post (for the records I don't have many of those). This person existed in my college life. She posted a photo of her new born baby which I believe is her 3rd child (I think it's a girl). The world stopped as I dazed at the photo. She was the only person I envisioned myself going the extra mile with. I loved her and beyond. When we split it took a while to recover and the person that I am today began to take form. Back to the photo. I Facebook liked her photo of course. We're cool with each other and we probably talk once every year or two. I also took the time to view more of her rarely posted photos. I enter into her life for a moment. I saw pictures of her husband, they guy who basically stole her from me, lol... As I reflected upon her life, I began to smile. I blew her a kiss and wondered. I was looking into a life that could of been mine. It was a life that I pretty much seeking. That could of been my third child. That could of been my wife and normal life. Somehow the stars in didn't align that way for me. Now here am I with no wife, no kids, no relationship, no house, no car, no job...I live a garage...I'm just a crusader on a journey looking for the sacrifice.  Gazing into her life didn't make me want it. It made me happy for her and confirmed that my sacrifices are for her and millions of others just like her.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

* New anniversary blog photo at the Rose Garden

* Low spirits,...Switching...

Monday, September 18, 2017

* Dear White People audition day 1

* Better spirits but....

* Tennis...

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

* Happy 7th year anniversary

* Dear White People audition part 2. The called me a second time. Cool. Doesn't mean anything.

* A few days ago I got an audition request that basically needed a personality driven video sent in. I decided not to do it. Then I got the same request directly commissioned from my agent. So I had to do. Saturday came and I got an email that reveals that I booked it. Well what do you know. Maybe there's a puzzle piece within this booking.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

* Basketball

* (2) Voice overs sent

* Switching...

Thursday, September 21, 2017

* Basketball...first time in the evening. It was okay but I prefer late mornings...

Friday, September 22, 2017

* Voice over sent

* Project Morning Affirmations for PaPa

* Store clothes pick up

* Tennis with Erick and Edween

Saturday, September 23, 2017

* Voice Over sent but it might not of been accepted

* Uploaded a new older photos and new slates on my profiles requested by my agent

* Call from Kevin and Lyft pick up for a party/event.

* Denny's

As the quest continues...

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