Week 366: Reflextions - 7yr Anniversary

Weekly Written Review 

Seven years and counting. By mid week I totally forgot that this week represented 7 years since I arrived in LA. By the end of the week I began entering my low spirited patterns. This pattern has been happening for a little while now. By Monday or Tuesday I kind of have my strength back but when Friday or Saturday hits my moral is weakened. That's what audition after audition with no results will do to you. I refuse to call it depression but I'm sure that's how some would identify as it for themselves. I was depressed during the summer of 2010. I'm not going through that ever again. I'm just at a constant battle to keep me spirits leveled. That's not a big deal. Spirits fluctuate. Sometimes they're up and other times they're down. Conveniently enough it happens when things are slow and it never affects progress. Well...it almost did with the audition video on Tuesday but that's an exception.

When my spirits are near depletion I try to force myself to write in my blog. The reason for that is because when this period of my journey is over I won't be able to recall those low spirited states in words. I think that's important when I write my book one day. I was unable to write that way this week because I got a random call from Kevin that led me to a party a few hours later. I'll take that instead anytime.

Wow, seven years...There's so much to reflect upon and I won't even attempt to do that. I don't have that type of writing power right now. I'm just grateful and thankful that focus is sharper then ever and and my determination continues to burn. Seven years and counting and I'm still eating sardines/tuna and crackers along with a juicy mango as my first meal of the day. My last meal of the day includes a can of Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup. No exaggeration. This is what I eat daily. Add in a few oranges and mix nuts that's my daily meal routine. Furthermore, I'm grateful. Based on the amount of disasters in 2017 alone, I'm confident there are several who don't even have access to a meals like mine. Seven years deep and I'm in no situation to complain. I want more of course and I want stop seeking for more. Creatively I'm currently wiped and I just have to be patient as I did during the summer of 2010. In hindsight, I should of took more time to enjoy that summer but it's near impossible when your spirits are under attack. Or when you spirit is unbalanced. I should be enjoying myself more but I'm not capable of doing that when I want to work. I love my Nintendo Switch. I love playing tennis and basketball almost everyday but I'm built to create. I'm not creating and it's hard to enjoy everything else when I'm not balanced.

Before I leave this week behind me and get ready to embrace the unknown I would like to share a reflective moment from Saturday. While browsing Facebook, I noticed an ex-girlfriend's post (for the records I don't have many of those). This person existed in my college life. She posted a photo of her new born baby which I believe is her 3rd child (I think it's a girl). The world stopped as I dazed at the photo. She was the only person I envisioned myself going the extra mile with. I loved her and beyond. When we split it took a while to recover and the person that I am today began to take form. Back to the photo. I Facebook liked her photo of course. We're cool with each other and we probably talk once every year or two. I also took the time to view more of her rarely posted photos. I enter into her life for a moment. I saw pictures of her husband, they guy who basically stole her from me, lol... As I reflected upon her life, I began to smile. I blew her a kiss and wondered. I was looking into a life that could of been mine. It was a life that I pretty much seeking. That could of been my third child. That could of been my wife and normal life. Somehow the stars in didn't align that way for me. Now here am I with no wife, no kids, no relationship, no house, no car, no job...I live a garage...I'm just a crusader on a journey looking for the sacrifice.  Gazing into her life didn't make me want it. It made me happy for her and confirmed that my sacrifices are for her and millions of others just like her.


Sunday, September 17, 2017

* New anniversary blog photo at the Rose Garden

* Low spirits,...Switching...


Monday, September 18, 2017

* Dear White People audition day 1

* Better spirits but....

* Tennis...


Tuesday, September 19, 2017

* Happy 7th year anniversary

* Dear White People audition part 2. The called me a second time. Cool. Doesn't mean anything.

* A few days ago I got an audition request that basically needed a personality driven video sent in. I decided not to do it. Then I got the same request directly commissioned from my agent. So I had to do. Saturday came and I got an email that reveals that I booked it. Well what do you know. Maybe there's a puzzle piece within this booking.


Wednesday, September 20, 2017

* Basketball

* (2) Voice overs sent

* Switching...


Thursday, September 21, 2017

* Basketball...first time in the evening. It was okay but I prefer late mornings...


Friday, September 22, 2017

* Voice over sent

* Project Morning Affirmations for PaPa

* Store clothes pick up

* Tennis with Erick and Edween


Saturday, September 23, 2017

* Voice Over sent but it might not of been accepted

* Uploaded a new older photos and new slates on my profiles requested by my agent

* Call from Kevin and Lyft pick up for a party/event.

* Denny's


As the quest continues...

The future of Late Night

Motown Maurice

Week 365: What the hell am I doing?

Weekly Written Review 

This whole week was a spiritual battle. It got worse by Wednesday. I had to practically force myself to complete a couple audition videos. Then Thursday put the icing on the cake. I had a callback for a science show and they unethically asked for my age. I responded with the first number that came to mind. Knowing they asked that unethical question told me internally I was wasting my time. They took over the conversation with a few other questions. For example, they asked where I live. I told them K-Town. Then the joke among themselves became about living in Ktown,"Everybody lives in Ktown. I need to live in Ktown..." The audition read was fine but the second take didn't go so well. They gave us brand new sides upon arrive and they wanted us to put it down on the second take. I'm okay at improv but this whole audition was trickery. My spirits were pretty much blown after that. Another reason I'm probably not going to get it is because I'm close to the height of the lead scientist. They are looking for a 18 year old to match an 18 year old female. Most likely she's going to be a smaller girl and I'll look out of place.

I was definitely defeated by the end of the week. I'm auditioning which is great but the vast majority of these roles are not for me. They don't fit me at all. I won't get into it right now but this led me to ask myself...What the hell am I doing? By the end of this week I honestly didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing. The only solution for my spiritual battle and mental frustration is to be alone. Unfortunately, my actions led to pushing someone away. I'm glad this week is over. Now I just have to regroup and make next week a better week.


Sunday, September 10, 2017

* At LuLu's...Switch, Power...


Monday, September 11, 2017

* Audition: Zenefits

* Had to skip an audition for a bigger one...

* Audition for a NDA required project. It's not a callback but it's my second time for this project.

* Audition video sent

* Tennis


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

* Callback for a project in which I have no idea what it's for. The request came on (9/7/17) from a casting director who replied to a video I sent her over a year ago.

* Storage stop

* Trader Joe's

* Someone who remembered me from a project called Blockout a few years ago saw me walking and offered me a ride.

* Editing a bday for someone...


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

* Blog post

* (3) Audition videos sent. I had to fight through this because of low spirits.

* (2) VO sent

* Editing a bday for someone...


Thursday, September 14, 2017

* Basketball

* Generation Genius callback. This was as setup for disappointment. Read above.

* VO sent


Friday, September 15, 2017

* Basketball

* Commercial audition

* A nice phone call from Kandace K.

* Low spirits

* Agent called about an upcoming Dear White People audition and provided clarity on the character type. Oh boy...lol


Saturday, September 16, 2017 

* VO sent

* Basketball

* I purchased Raymon Legends Definitive Edition today for the Switch. I'm getting tight on money and I probably shouldn't of done that. Nonetheless, this is my source of joy. It's my escape and I believe it's going to end up motivating me to work harder/smarter to find ways to make more money. I don't want much. I deserve a damn video game dammit.

* Low Spirits...video gaming

* Had Sunday plans but they got canceled...


As the quest continues...

The future of Late Night

Motown Maurice

Week 364: Storm 100

Weekly Written Review 

Last week LA had an intense heat wave. Thank God it's over. Well most of us in LA was complaining about the heat, Texas got hit hard by a hurricane and Florida was next. I'm on the other side of the country and I'm complete helpless in terms of helping my parents. I literally can't do anything. Even if I was available to help I couldn't because airports were shut down. As powerful as I am, I was powerless until the storm passed over. Thank God my mom prayed the Hurricane away.

As for these auditions...I'm not booking but I am auditioning. My living situation is still indefinite but I'm blessed. The past two months I was able to take a break from payment. This month I paid $100.00. In a sense I've been practically living for free. You take the good and you take the bad.


Sunday, September 3, 2017 

* Blogging

* Kevin's House


Monday, September 4, 2017

* Helped out with a photo shoot/photography app...

* Left Kevin's House

* Let's talk about sex email/invite

* Tennis


Tuesday, September 5, 2017

* Paid storage

* YMCA-Hollywood...sit ups

* VO sent

* Query letter write up


Wednesday, September 6, 2017

* Basketball - YMCA

* VO sent

* Donation to Xiomara's Indigogo campaign/Blackout

* Acting class with Arielle


Thursday, September 7, 2017

* Generation Genius audition  

* (3) Audition videos sent

* (3) VO's sent


Friday, September 8, 2017

* Basketball

* Let's Talk About Sex Photo shoot

* Callback notice (Generation Genius)


Saturday, September 9, 2017

* (2) Audition videos sent

* Search For It -  hosting audition

* Callback notice

* Tennis with Mike/King of the court


As the quest continues...

The future of Late Night

Motown Maurice

Week 363: Time to Return To My Roots

Weekly Written Review 

Most of 2017 has been directionless for me. The one thing I know for sure is that I'm completely done with my independent projects. I'm retired from wearing multiple hats and I couldn't be happier. As a result, I've put most of my energy and focus into the auditions...at least I try to, yet I've shifted gears before. Throughout my journey I shifted gears multiple times. There were times my web series was my focused. Other times the acting process was my focus. Back and forth my focus/energy would shift. Mentally I was done with one area and pro another. As for now, I'm completed done with these auditions. I have to find another route. This acting route isn't for me. I'll explain why.

Last week I had a callback and I was later put on avail. They called me personally. They called my agent. They gave me dates for the fitting and the shoot. Those dates came to past and they didn't even have the audacity to release me. I'm sorry that's just unacceptable. You don't call someone have them practically book out dates on your calendar and not take a moment to release the person. Who cares that I didn't get the part. Have the decency to release the actor. I just don't have time for this anymore. This might sound like I'm being negative but I'm not. This industry isn't interested in booking me for high paying projects and they're rarely interested in booking people that look like me all together.

What does this mean. For the sake of keeping my agents happy I'll continue to show up to the auditions but I know what time it is. I don't have time to waste anymore. Especially mentally. Everyone wants a big commercial pay out but after 7 years of doing this I'm not playing the fool anymore. I'm more than thankful than ever before for my $100.00 gigs here and there. Anymore than that I'm not bookable apparently.

What does this mean moving forward? It means I have to shift my focus back to late-night. Everything late-night. I got to find a shovel and start digging. I got to dig deeper then ever before. I got to dig like my life's on the line. The time is now. I'm everything and everything late-night focused and I couldn't be happier. So what's my strategy? Before I make a partial reveal let me share something with you about Sunday. On Sunday I was booked for a supporting role in a short film. The shoot was in Irvine so I had to rent a car. During lunch I ended up sharing my late night story with a young Asian actor. An older Jewish guy who I spoke to upon reveal joined our table and over heard my conversation. Sometime after lunch the Jewish guy whose name is David (David L.) He told me how impressed he was with my story and that he could see me as a late night host.

David then began to ask me questions about what I'm doing to get into late night. I answered in confident but honestly words have become redundant over years. I said things in the light of, "I don't have a blueprint. I'm finding clues and collecting puzzle piece everyday. Everyday I'm getting closer." I also may have told him about my additional accomplishments. David then specifically asked me have I reached to "so and so,". I quickly brushed it off. I've conditioned myself to believe you shouldn't invite yourself to the kings table. The king should invite you to the table. I explained that I believed my success in an abstract project such as the short film we were currently shooting may align me with the person I'm suppose to be in front of. One thing will lead to another and then boom, late night.

David, took a beat and told me some story about a woman. I don't remember the details. Somehow he tied that story with me and spoke with sincerity about what he saw in me. He said the saw my name linked with love. What really got me is when he said, that I'm here to make this world a better place. Those are the exact words I focused on with my prosperity bath on August 20th leading into total solar eclipse the next day. After that I decided to shut up and receive. I began to ponder, I realized that reaching out to anyone personally has never truly been a part of the plan. Maybe I sent out a few packages in 2009/2010 but nothing recently. I completely accepted David's message and I began to put my mind to work. My thoughts were so intense I couldn't sit down. I was pacing every square inch of the mansions first floor.

The interesting thing about this spark of inspiration is that it came from David. He's an interesting guy. He's an offbeat, quirky, jokester with an odd sense of humor. Some of his humor had heads turning. One person privately asked me if he was racist. He thought it was cool if someone asked me how I was doing that I should respond, "I'm in the black." He tied it to an accountant term. He asked me how I was doing a bunch of times that day and I reluctantly answered. His heart was in the right place but maybe not his jokes, lol.

Furthermore, David's words really resonated with me. He told me what's for you, is for you. At one point I told him every journey as a test and that's where I'm at... David debunked the notion of a test. He essentially said to go for what's rightfully yours and that it didn't matter if I knew the person or not. He highly encouraged me to reach out to a very specific person. His words opened up my soul and before the end of the shoot I decided to start writing some letters. One letter became a four page package. The effort of seeking out one person domino-ed into several potential contacts. Those contacts inspired a whole new strategic approach to claiming my throne. The power is in the pen once again. Knowing that this was my last week of my free IMDB pro trail my research became even more thorough.


Sunday, August 27, 2017

* Zipcar rental

* Short film - Procrastination and an interesting conversation with a Jewish guy. #Inspiration

* Power at LuLu's


Monday, August 28, 2017 

* VO audition sent

* Blogging...

* Tennis...

* Letter prep and emails sent...IMDB


Tuesday, August 29, 2017 

* Surprising email response from a manager...

* Network calling/research

* Storage/ Trader Joe's

* Library...Food for less...Dollar store


Wednesday, August 30, 2017 

* Letter writing continues...

* (4) VO's sent

* Package preparation continues...


Thursday, August 31, 2017 

* No damn commercial fitting

* Basketball/YMCA

* Audition SMC

* Dollar store/Staples for paper

* Letter package complete


Friday, September 1, 2017 

* Basketball/YMCA. Speaking of returning to my roots, I went back to my roots in basketball to the forward/center position and it paid off with a big win in the end.

* Dollar store...printing color copies at Staples...

* Post-office...4 packages sent

* Additional research


Saturday, September 2, 2017 

* Aaron's house editing

* 2 VO's sent

* Canceled IMDB

* Manager research...the unsolicited acceptance approach


As the quest continues...

The future of Late Night

Motown Maurice